By Ainish Philip
Sibling rivalry, fighting over who can have the front seat in the car, angry because mum gave the bigger cookie to the elder sis, feeling low because the best friend has not been giving enough attention, looking in the mirror and being depressed over the beauty that her best friend has and she does not, mentally questioning in the mind that why my classmate has countless friends on Facebook, how does my brother manage to score better than me, - one thing in common with all of these individuals is that all of them have fallen prey to jealousy!
So what exactly is jealousy?
The word ‘spirit of jealousy’ is mentioned in two places in the Bible. First it is mentioned in Numbers 5:14, and in Numbers 5:30 “When the spirit of jealousy comes upon him…”
Jealousy can be defined as being sad over not having what another has and rejoicing secretly when something bad happens to them! So if I am jealous of someone’s beauty, it’s because I believe I need to look more beautiful to be fully contented. Or if I am jealous of someone’s dancing skills, it’s because I believe I need more dancing ability to be fully happy.
What does jealousy do and how does it work?
For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder (James 3:16).
The first thing jealousy does is to kill our confidence. It creates dissatisfaction, unrest, poor self-image, insecurity, and robs us of the peace within us. Jealousy makes us think constantly of the person (we’re jealous of), taking off our focus from our purpose in life. What’s worse is that is creates a distance between friends/people.
There is this unknown desire to control the other person. And in an effort to avoid this pain, we try to create this strategy of trying to control this other person. Saul became so mad with jealousy against David, that he almost tried killing David with a spear (1 Samuel19:10).
In reality however, most of this pain could be imaginary and not one bit real. Most of it works at the mental level. We keep imagining and thinking in our heads without any solid evidence to what we think of the other person.
Sibling rivalry has as its source from brothers and sisters who are jealous of each other because they feel that their parents pay little attention to them and too much attention to their sibling. As a result, quarrels and fights arise in the family. In case of a friend we are possessive about, jealousy begins to creep in if our friends shower extra attention to anyone else. Why do we do that? Because our possessiveness for this friend makes us think that we’re going to be in pain or all alone if this friend leaves us.
Jealousy can creep in our spiritual lives too! The devil can tempt a person to start to compare his/her spiritual life with that of another who is on the same pathway to holiness. Comparisons are obvious and if not handled well, spiritual envy can lead to bitterness among members. Instead of focusing on Jesus as the center of his life, he is always observing and comparing himself to his “spiritual opponent”, hoping that his “opponent” will pray less, diminish his spiritual power, and thereby take a lesser role in the pursuit of holiness.
How do we overcome jealousy?
Instead of brushing aside that feeling of jealousy, admit it completely that I can be jealous too! Because most of it might not be reality, but our imagination, and therefore, it’s easy to change what’s in the head rather than change what is in reality.
Confess it: Wilfully giving ourselves to jealousy is a sin. However, bringing this sin to the sacrament of Confession can bring healing to the soul. When we confess, we are telling God that we completely trust in His plan for our life.
Encourage/praise the person: When jealousy takes root in the heart, the usual tendency is to criticize, gossip, pass remarks, and debase the person. Overcome jealousy by praising or encouraging the person on their good qualities!
Turn your jealousy into thanksgiving: Thank God sincerely for the wonderful talents and gifts that He has given to the person you envy most. What we envy about others is simply God’s gift to them, so why be jealous of God’s gifts!
Pray to the Holy Spirit: We cannot change ourselves. We need the power of the Holy Spirit to work in us and humble us. Therefore, pray earnestly to the Holy Spirit to change our heart and wait patiently for God to work in us.
Prayer: Lord Jesus, give me the grace to love and forgive others. O Holy Spirit, remove the spirit of jealousy from me and give me a spirit of joy.
Stay in peace. Stay with Jesus.
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